You know it's bad when the restroom's the nicest part of your store

The other day I decided to extend my search for Halloween decorations to a well-known big box style craft store. It was located in a fairly decent part of town, so I was absolutely caught off guard by the completely depressing condition of the store.

Walking in the front doors, the sadness was palpable. It only took me a few steps into the aisles and a weird encounter with a confused old lady, that I could've sworn had a cart full of dead cats, to realize I had made a mistake.  You could've cut the despair in the store with a knife. Right about the time I was ready to call this particular adventure over, Camden tells me he has to go potty. So I thought, okay Dan, looks like we're going to kick this situation up a notch. Because nothing turns up the volume on a potentially bad situation like taking a child to a public restroom.

Now, I didn't want to go wandering around the store any more than I had to, so I asked the nice lady at the checkout with the tattoo of a tear drop under her eye and some kind of dragon on her neck if she could point me in the direction of closest men's room. She was very helpful which was off putting for some strange reason. It was like the one thing that didn't match in this situation, and it messed with my head a little.

Equipped with the location of the restrooms, I parked the cart by the giant pallet of off-brand mayonnaise nearby and headed into the men's room with Camden in my arms. Upon opening the door I, as they say, hoped for the best but prepared for the worst. Much to my delight it wasn't terrible. There was only one stall but thankfully it wasn't occupied.

Let me give you a quick rundown of the amenities. It had everything on a hobos checklist including, running water, soap, and a flushing toilet. There was not one but two toilet brushes, a giant fake plant situated in front of an empty paper towel dispenser, and a stall door with no locking mechanism. I must note here that the toilet wasn't bad. It was clean and in fine working condition.

So I sat Camden down on a nest of toilet paper and he did his business which luckily was your basic number one. Then it was my turn. I figured I'd go real quick while we were at it.

As soon as I had my situation on cruise control, I turned to check on Camden right as he was reaching for one of the toilet brushes--and not the handle part. He was reaching for the bristles and he was only centimeters away when I saw him.

And a curious thing happened at that moment. Before actually pushing out the words "Don't touch that," I began thinking about how I could help him overcome having a hook for a hand. They say in intense moments people report time slowing down. Well this was definitely my experience, for everything but my thoughts. I imagined the filth of that toilet brush. Then I pictured poor little hook-handed Camden playing with his toys, all while he continued, in slow motion, to get closer to that toilet brush.

Somehow I managed to form the words I needed and stopped him just in time. And he just looked at me without a clue as to why dad was all of sudden covered in flop sweat. I closed up shop with myself as quickly as I could then we washed our hands and air dried them as best we could before making our way directly to the store's exit.

As we walked to the car, I noticed wet sprinkles on the front of my shorts which I hoped were from air drying our hands and not collateral damage from having to deal with the toilet brush incident midstream. Nonetheless, we made it out of there without the gifts of a used toilet brush and have agreed to never speak of those events again. Okay, except maybe for this and if anyone asks about it.

We're having Nemo for dinner, wait where are you going?

Like a lot of kiddos growing up today in America, Camden is a big fan of animated movies, television shows, and books with talking, human-like animals. Everything from Dora the Explorer to Finding Nemo has some kind of anthropomorphic animal. Our personal library alone has several books with some kind of talking pig, dog, bear, or worms. Some are just regular free-ranging animals while others , live in houses, go to work or go shopping, and wear clothes just like us.

And it's cute and everything. Like on Chicken Run, where those chickens are not only human talk and build stuff they also live in coops. And they spend pretty much the entire movie trying to avoid being eaten by humans. So their constantly running around scared with the ever-present threat of becoming food for humans.  Cute right? And that's just one example. So you're probably wondering what's the problem? Well I don't know if it's a problem, see what you think.

Could it be possible that all these images of anthropomorphic animals are sending some kids a mixed message at dinner time? Hey kids, check out this talking chicken and his family. They live just like us and wear clothes and think and feel just like us. Oh, you love them? Well now eat them. Yeah, it's a little weird don't you think. 

It's no wonder Camden refuses to eat his food whenever we're serving one his cartoon friends. Why would he want to eat Nemo, or the cows from Barnyard, or the pigs from the Three Little Pigs who spend the whole story trying to avoid being eaten by the villain, the bad guy, the Big Bad Wolf? I mean in the story he's supposed to empathize with the pigs right? Why would he eat them then? Why not just make him eat our dog?

So I wonder, does he think it's the same? I don't know. All I'm saying is that it's possible. That when he sees personified animals he may get the idea that they aren't food. 

Of course, meat isn't the only food that Camden refuses to eat. He won't eat broccoli. But he's never liked broccoli. He's also never seen a talking stalk of broccoli with shoes and a hat talking about how his dream was to be a famous rockstar, so I think it's a little different. Plus, he used to eat meat, before he reached the point in development where he started figuring out more things.

So what's the answer? Should I keep him from anything that personifies animals? Yeah, that's probably not going to happen. I mean I don't really think he thinks Will Smith's character, Oscar, from Shark Tales is real. But maybe he can't stomach eating "fish" when he associates it with one of his cartoon buddies. Maybe. 

Camden's Choice

We've taken Camden for a haircut several times now. And although Camden was a little hesitant at first, he's now more like an old man who knows what he's there for and just wants the barber to stay out his way when he's trying to watch the television they have there for him. He'll actually sit fairly still only turning away he gets distracted by something or they spray a little too much water in his face.

At the particular place we go, they have three cars to choose from for toddlers his age to sit in while they get their haircut. There's a red jeep (super tough), there's a yellow race car (super cool), and then there's a pink Barbie car (super pink). Every now and then they'll change them out for new ones, but on this particular day this was the set up.

When it was time for Camden to choose his vehicle, naturally he went with the jeep. The big knobby tires, super-strong roll bar, and sporty lights are very hard for him to resist. He's been crazy about big trucks as long as I can remember. They are sort of his thing. Unfortunately, the jeep was already taken. A fact that didn't matter much to Camden, as he just went ahead and started to climb into the jeep much to the surprise of the other little boy sitting in the jeep getting his haircut.

After bringing him down off the side of the jeep and breaking the news to him that one was already taken, Camden was faced with the choice of either the yellow race car or the pink Barbie car. An interesting choice considering the stereotypical gender issues at play. And this was the moment that I wondered if we'd done a good enough job keeping him free from any gender bias. We didn't go in thinking about this being a test, nor do we live forcing Camden to choose gender neutral items. Instead we just try not get in his way when it comes to making these kinds of choices.

So there we are standing motionless trying not to give any cues to Camden which might alter his choice in any way. Somehow thoughts of my days as a psychology research assistant ran through my head and facts about double-blind studies were getting all jumbled up in there. And now all the employees were now looking on noticing something out of the ordinary was happening. We all waited for what was probably only 5 seconds but seemed much longer. And that's when we all knew, there's a real possibility he's going to pick the pink Barbie car.

There he stood right in the middle of both cars. Looking them over as if he was measuring up the pros and cons of each. Then finally, he made his choice unequivocally. He said, "I want that one!" And he pointed to the pink Barbie car. I was so proud of him. He in no way seem adversed to the Barbie car in any noticeable way. And he in no way seemed swayed by anything other than which car he honestly wanted to try out.

The fact is that I don't really know why he picked the pink Barbie car. All I know is that he considered it and then chose it. He didn't discount it. And for that I am very happy. And I take it as a sign that we have not biased him with gender specific ideas. And that's a big win in my book.